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No Christmas Cheer

Since my wife left me and the kids are gone I just don’t have any Christmas cheer. I cannot get in to the mood to celebrate the birth of our Savior. I know I am depressed but I’ve been depressed before and still have gotten into the Christmas Spirit. I usually go out and enjoy the lights that people work so hard on preparing. I usually enjoy a good Christmas song especially the Little Drummer Boy but not this year. In fact I haven’t listened but to a few Christmas songs at all this year. I have not went out and bought gifts. I have no plans of doing so either. With the only exception being my Stepmom whom I will get a scented candle for. I hope she likes it.

Christmas used to be so fun and exciting now its just another day. I don’t know how long this will last for me but I do know that It will be a little bit I’m not sure what next Christmas holds if anything at all but as of right now I’m not even looking forward to it rearing its ugly head.

I will be celebrating with my Stepmom and Dad today. I do hope its an enjoyable day. It doesn’t have to be enjoyable because of Christmas just because its family and We should enjoy family all times of the year. Not having my own family this year has really drilled that into me. I just feel so empty and lonely with out them. It is what it is though and I will just continue to move forward. Not sure what all that means just yet but I know there is a brighter future out there if I’m willing to grab it. Right now at the moment though I’m not even ready to get dressed much less think about the future.

Christmas Cheer is just not there this year. I have no tree in the house and no gifts surrounding that tree. My Roommate put up Christmas Lights outside and that was a far as she got. Some of you have it better than me and some of you have it worse than me. I’m not on a pity pot just explaining how I feel this year. My first year with out my family and it really sucks. Yet a friend has it even worse than I do his Wife just passed away the other day only a few days before Christmas. My Condolences go out to him and his family and my God give them the strength to move forward with out their loved one.

So no matter what your circumstances are this year just remember Family is most important not the holiday not the gifts but the precious moments we have with them. We never know when we will not have them to enjoy our lives or even a part of our Life with us. Enjoy your Christmas if your one that is really in the spirit and can’t wait for it for the rest of us we’ll be around after the new year has approached us. God bless you all and be safe .


How much more can we, will we take

Ever since I can remember we have been told what we need, what we have got to have, where we need to go, how we need to dress, what we need to read, what we need to watch, what we need to listen to. Really it’s been quite a lot of telling us what, how, and why we should live and look a certain way. These marketing groups have taken over every aspect of life we can imagine. Every where you go there is an advertisement for something. Rather it be on the radio with some guy screaming about a sale we should not miss as this one is really a once in a lifetime event. Or we have the beautiful women on TV telling us that they only date guys who drink this beer. Ok maybe not the so much “saying it” as implying it.

Women are left to feel like if they can have their hair look this marvelous then they can be sexy, seductive women who will have men falling all over them and its just not targeted to Women of adult age but to the teenage girls as well. If you use this makeup or this whitening toothpaste, then your life will be better. You can be everything you secretly desire to be if you conform and buy our product. Advertising is everywhere. It targets everyone. I see a commercial on the TV of a young kid riding in something or playing with something and guess what my kids want. Advertisers use every method possible to get us to buy their products or to purchase the things we will buy at their store. If you didn’t get it from us you paid to much.

False promises and in your face, hmm sounds like a Politician to me. Hmm I wonder if they both use the same writers. Anyway back on track. Our culture is being determined by what they can sale to us next. I mean everyone wants some kind of iPhone, iPad, iPod, or iWontHaveit kind of thing. We are living for the next smart phone that can automatically change to the touch we have. Or the next Game that is going to take us to all new levels where we are actually inside the game. Corporations searching for a way to keep us focused on those things that really don’t matter in life.

One of the greatest times of the years has become a cheap mockery of you must have this and you must buy that. Your child will love you more if you buy them or your wife will shine for ever with these diamond earrings. I love Christmas time as it is a time of giving and sharing and loving that has been cheapend and its not the only one. They have targeted all holidays. Including Memorial and Veterans day. Days that we shouldn’t be thinking of a cheap sale. But day’s that we should be honoring those who gave us the freedom to have a cheap sale. Men and Women who were not worried about what the latest trend was or is. Only worried about surviving, all to defend the idea of Freedom. But how free are we? Everything cost. I don’t go a day with out spending some kind of money for something. Whether its just the lights I turn on to see or its the water I get from the faucet. We are slaves to a society that has made money the most important attribute in life. And advertisers eat it up. Corporations are selling us out and were buying right into it. How many people realize what a trillion dollar debt looks like. Most of us can barely handle a few thousand dollars of debt. These Corporations don’t care if we use money we don’t have just as long as they get what they are after. The tighter your budget the more they advertise.

And why is this? because we have allowed it. Magazines, Radio, Television, Cars, City Buses, Billboards, Phones, Computers, Internet, Newspapers, and our ignorance had led us to this point. Stores start advertising the next big holiday and we haven’t even gotten through the one yet. We have been taught and are teaching our children that holidays are nothing more than an opportunity for us to go into bigger and deeper debt. We do this in the name of “I want my kids to have more than I did” Why? I mean really I am very thankful for what I have. My kids on the other hand have grown to expect it and its just not my kids I hear the stories all the time from other parents. Mom we need to buy me this. Like how they add themselves to that as if they are working for the money they expect us to spend on them because some advertiser has convinced them they need this new iGaget thingy that all the other kids have.

We have created a monster that is so ugly that we are not paying attention to what its really doing. We have closed our eyes and held out our hands. We have become a nation of luxury. We quit caring somewhere. We bought into a lie and we are paying dearly for it. We no longer are Free instead we are slaves to what we think we should have or even deserve because we listened to the lie so much that now for us its truth. And what I’m seeing for the next few generations is a road so destructive that there will be no way for them to survive it.

We need to start a work that will not benefit us but will allow our children to truly have what we don’t have and that’s a real Freedom. A Freedom that was paid for in blood. Our Solders should not return home to their children saying look at this gadget or this new really cool phone, but to their children and their Nation saying we love you and missed you oh so much.

For those of you whom have served rather alive or dead I want to say Thank you for your service for my freedom. May the rest of us spend as much time keeping it and fighting those who threaten to take it away here at home as you did over there away from home.


Recently an event happened in my family that changed the dynamics of it. My Oldest Daughter moved out to go and live with her boyfriend. Obviously things had to change at home. One of the changes was the chores. No longer did we have four people to do the chores now its only 3. Dinner Proportions don’t need to be as much as we had. Children arguing with each other has halted. Now Mom and Dad automatically know who did it. A extra room in the house that must be filled with something. Furniture rearranged to accommodate the bedroom that had to be filled which is now an office.

Of course before we could make it an office we had to strip wallpaper (remnants from the owners before) Plug holes in the walls, Sand, Paint, and cleaning all had to be done. Then you have to figure out the layout of the room. Where desk will sit, printers, file cabinets, and etc. Shutting down of home networks to move servers and computers into their new home. Rerunning network cables to connect computers back to the network / internet. Then adjusting to the new order of the house.

All of this is done to fill the void that was once occupied. While the office will create more room, especially in a congested bedroom, The void is still very noticeable. We look forward to our children growing up and moving out on their own creating their own family’s when they are at home living with us. Then something profoundly devastating happens. They do it. Not only are the family dynamics changed so is your life changed.

You hope that you taught them all the things they will need. Of course you hope that they actually listened. You pray that they will be ok. And you hope and pray and hope more that they do not make the same mistakes as you made while at the same time not to make worse ones either. Hoping they will keep in touch either by calling or texting. That you will be able to see them on holidays. Trying your best not to “interfere” in their lives.

Christmas is just around the corner. Kids got out of school for a 3 week vacation. Our oldest will celebrate Christmas with us this Tuesday. Christmas is Sunday. And While I look forward to the youngest one ripping open her gifts and I look forward to going to church on Christmas day. I know its not going to be the same and because of that I loath the idea of it coming. Not the idea of Christmas just the idea that it will not be the same. The void will be there unmistakable, and undeniable. Now we must learn to accept the changes that have been layed upon us. To fill the void by reorganizing our lives. To accept the things we cannot control.